My name is Laura

My name is Laura… I am 25 years old.
I have been struggling with a Mental Disorder my whole life up until now. When I was 7 years old, I started pulling out my eyelashes…I was a very painfully shy kid who had no outlet. My father was a very mentally abusive alcoholic and my mother worked all of the time and when she wasn’t working, I was attached to her hip. By the age of 14, I began to self-mutilate. My parents tried to figure out what was wrong with me. They brought me to numerous psychiatrists, who then put me on every kind of anti- psychotic and depression medications you could think of. I spent most of my teenage years going in and out of mental institutions. I had to drop out of high school because my anxiety and depression got so severe. My father left when I was 17. When I turned 18 I began to experiment with drugs and alcohol. At the age of 19 I became pregnant with a beautiful little girl. I was not a big believer in God, but when I had that little girl, I felt like I finally had a purpose, I had a reason to live. Everything was amazing after I gave birth. But then my past caught up to me…By the age of 21 I was head over heels for a man who I thought accepted me for me. I remember the first “Pill” he gave me. I had no idea what an “oxy” was. I had no idea I could get addicted. Boy was I naive! I can’t tell you WHY I did what I did…But I can tell you that it ruined my life. A year later I was alone…I had my daughter taken from me, My fiancé’ left me, and My family disowned me. I felt like there was no way out. I was angry at God for letting this happen. I blamed the Lord and everyone around me. The thoughts of my alcoholic father screaming at me overwhelmed my mind…The images of my daughter flooded my memory…I had nothing left in me to give. I was a full blown addict. Heroin, Cocaine and pills took my soul to the darkest depths of hell. I needed help but didn’t know where to turn. I begged God to help me. Over and Over and Over again…Little by the little the miracle began to happen… I still resented God… I was mad that he turned his back on me…Little did I know, I turned my back on him…  When I had the blessing of getting help and coming to Recovery, I thought to myself, “How can I forgive myself for what I have done? How can anybody forgive me? Does God believe in me? Will He forgive me?” I went to church a few weeks later…The message was about forgiveness and how the lord forgives our sins. I had an overwhelming sense of feeling come over my entire body and tears started streaming down my face. I felt a sense of relief and for once in my life I felt safe. I knew that I was saved. I was saved from the hell I went through. I no longer had to feel the pain carried out through my childhood to my adulthood. I was very much loved and forgiven. I was saved by Christ. I am now in recovery and working on my life. My mental state is very much alive and well. I see my daughter as much as I can and my family is slowly and surely coming around. I don’t know where I would be without Faith…I hope by sharing some of my own story I can help someone find Hope, Faith, and Courage. With Christ, all things are possible. Never give up; Life is beautiful on the other side of addiction!